Silliness

I don't have much to write about right now, come to think of it. But it's been awhile since my last post and I need to keep writing regularly so as not to fall out of the habit completely. 

The other day I was woken up from my nap by bus noise on our street. Ellinor and I had had an exceptionally early morning and this nap was all I wanted that day. Upon being woken up (and thanks to pregnancy having to use the restroom and drink some water) I knew that sleep was not coming again. That's when I texted Bry about the noise. At the end of the message I threw in that I wanted to rent a Rug-Doctor to clean our carpets. Random. Bry's kind and logical reply was that we should wait to get through this snow season and then clean our carpets. That only makes the most sense. I, however, was annoyed. I was overwhelmed by the thought that the things I want are usually pushed off and/or taken away all together these days. I allowed myself some selfish moments which only led to feelings of self-pity (unwarranted at that, I assure you). 

I'm a wife and a mother. I have goals and things I would like to do/have/accomplish. I feel that in life mother's put themselves at the bottom of the list. Not because we want to be martyrs, but because we genuinely feel guilty doing anything else. Cleaning our carpets is really not a big deal. But I chalked it up to yet another thing I can't have because it makes better sense (economically, logically, etc) for our family if we wait a bit. I want a kitchen remodel. Life has a way of throwing in stumbling blocks that require the time/attention/money the kitchen remodel would as well. Of course those upsets are usually much more important and should be dealt with first. In my mind I know this. In my heart, I am still sad about it. I would love to have a gym membership - but the only gym within 20 minutes of us does not have childcare. Who would watch Ellinor?

Needless to say, I allowed myself a moment of ridiculousness. I wallowed and murmured in my head. I felt justified in my feelings of annoyance. I concluded I had solid reasoning for being ungrateful at that time. I allowed myself to give into that voice of trouble. 

Thankfully, I snapped out of it. Why in the world would I let myself get down in the dumps over such trivial baloney? Who cares if I don't have a kitchen remodel next month? I have a functioning kitchen that really isn't that horrible. And let's not forget that while it's currently snowing outside I am sitting in a beautiful, warm, comfortable home that I can call mine. I have the most perfect baby girl and another on the way. My husband loves and supports me unconditionally. My family is always there for me and are just a phone call or even skype call away. I have the amazing Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. Hello?! How dare I complain for even a second.

Yet another beautiful thing about Christmas is that it pushes me to get over myself even more so than normal. I am grateful for the knowledge this Gospel gives to me. I can't imagine thinking all the time that the trivial stuff in this life is what really matters. Focusing on the eternal and the things of supreme importance lets us be happier. We can let go of the silly. We can recognize all of our blessings easier. Not to say I don't battle with those shallow feelings often enough. But I have no excuse to wallow in them. I am grateful I know that. I am grateful for my wonderful life. I love my Savior and I am grateful that He helps me with those silly moments.